Meet Evelyn: When Staying Home Isn’t as Easy as It Seems

The Crossroads: From Career Dreams to Staying Home

Evelyn had always been driven.

✔ She worked part-time while finishing her master’s degree in women’s health.
✔ She planned to become a midwife—her dream career.
✔ She was passionate about her work and her future.

But then she had her first child.

"I thought I could balance it all—work, school, motherhood—but the reality was much harder than I expected."

For two years, she tried to juggle it all—daycare drop-offs, long hours, pumping at work, missing shifts due to illness. She was barely holding it together.

Her partner saw how much she was struggling and encouraged her to quit.

✔ He changed jobs to increase their income.
✔ She left her job and gave up her career plans.
✔ They moved closer to family for support.

Then, she had her second baby.

It should have been easier. But it wasn’t.

"I thought staying home full-time would be a relief—but in some ways, it was even harder."

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The Challenges: When Motherhood Isn’t What You Expected

• The Emotional Toll of Being Away From Her Baby
  "I hated leaving him at daycare. The separation was awful for both of us."
• Juggling Work, School & Motherhood Felt Impossible
  "I was exhausted all the time. I felt like I wasn’t giving enough to my job, my studies, or my baby."
• Figuring Out How to Survive on One Income
  "Leaving my job meant a huge financial shift. My partner had to switch jobs just to make it work."
• The Guilt of Having a Choice That Others Don’t
  "I know I’m lucky that staying home was even an option, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy."
• An Identity Crisis After Leaving the Workforce
  "I spent years studying and working toward something—now I feel like I have nothing of my own."‍
• The Chronic Exhaustion of Full-Time Motherhood
  "I thought quitting my job would make life simpler. Instead, I feel like a full-time servant in this house, a goblin hiding from the world."

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What Worked (and What She’d Do Differently)

✔ Having a Supportive Partner & Family
"I’m grateful my husband was willing to shift jobs so I could stay home. Not everyone has that option."

✔ Therapy Helped Her Process the Change
"I needed someone to talk to, to help me make sense of why I was struggling when I thought this was what I wanted."

Would she do anything differently?

✔ Rethink Her Career Path Before Having Kids
"If I had known what motherhood would feel like, I wouldn’t have pursued my master’s. Maybe I wouldn’t have even done my nursing degree. I would have fully committed to homemaking from the start."

✔ Build a Stronger Support System Before Leaving Work
"I thought quitting would bring relief, but I didn’t realize how isolating it would be. I wish I had built a better community first."

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What Would Have Been Helpful?

📌 A Built-In Routine Outside of the House – Something structured to avoid feeling trapped in a cycle of exhaustion.
📌 Regular Meet-Ups With Other Parents – To talk, vent, and feel like a person again.
📌 Childcare Options for Breaks – Even a few hours a week to recharge would have made a difference.

"If you leave your career, find a routine, a community, a way to see other adults—or you will go nuts."

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Evelyn’s Advice: Full-Time Motherhood Is Not the Easy Route

✔ Don’t Assume Staying Home Will Fix Everything
"I thought quitting work would make things easier. It made things different—not necessarily better."

✔ Make Sure You Have a Support System in Place
"Being home all day with kids can be soul-sucking. Find people to connect with, or you’ll feel like a ghost of yourself."

✔ Give Yourself Permission to Struggle
"Just because you chose to stay home doesn’t mean you have to love every second of it."

✔ Find Something That’s Just for You
"Motherhood can swallow you whole. Make sure you have something that reminds you who you are outside of being a parent."

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Evelyn’s Both& Moment: The Complexities of Full-Time Motherhood

Evelyn’s story shows that even when you choose something, it doesn’t mean it’s easy.

✔ She learned she could both want to be home with her kids and feel resentful of the loss of her career.
✔ She realized she could both be grateful for her husband’s support and struggle with being financially dependent.
✔ She found that full-time motherhood is both fulfilling in some ways and draining in others.

This isn’t about regretting her choice—it’s about acknowledging that it’s more complicated than she expected.

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Why This Story Matters for Both&

• Challenges the Myth That Staying Home Is “Easier” – Leaving a job doesn’t erase stress—it just shifts it.
• Highlights the Emotional & Identity Struggles of Full-Time Motherhood – Moms need more support and honesty about these challenges.
• Encourages Women to Think Ahead Before Leaving Work – Community, structure, and support systems matter.
• Proves That It’s Okay to Have Conflicting Feelings – You can love your kids and still struggle with the reality of being home with them full-time.